第三十一章: 交换噩梦 The Swapping of Nightmares | 偷书贼
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"I'm sorry," he confessed to Hans and Rosa on the basement steps. "From now on I will stay down here. You will not hear from me. I will not make a sound."
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"Na, na," Rosa assured him. "You will be fed, as best I can."
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Max Vandenburg promised that he would never sleep in Liesel's room again. What was he thinking that first night? The very idea of it mortified him.
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Hans and Rosa, both steeped in the despair of the predicament, made no argument, not even in regard to the cold. They heaved blankets down and topped up the kerosene lamp. Rosa admitted that there could not be much food, to which Max fervently asked her to bring only scraps, and only when they were not wanted by anyone else.
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They also took the mattress down, from the spare bed in Liesel's room, replacing it with drop sheets -- an excellent trade.
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He rationalized that he was so bewildered upon his arrival that he allowed such a thing. The basement was the only place for him as far as he was concerned. Forget the cold and the loneliness. He was a Jew, and if there was one place he was destined to exist, it was a basement or any other such hidden venue of survival.
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With some well-positioned paint cans, Hans actually conceded that it did simply look like a collection of junk gathered sloppily in the corner, out of the way. The one problem was that a person needed only to shift a few cans and remove a drop sheet or two to smell out the Jew.
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"Better than nothing," Max assured him. "Better than I deserve -- thank you."
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Papa apologized. "It's quite pathetic. I realize that."
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"Let's just hope it's good enough," he said.
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Downstairs, Hans and Max placed the mattress beneath the steps and built a wall of drop sheets at the side. The sheets were high enough to cover the whole triangular entrance, and if nothing else, they were easily moved if Max was in dire need of extra air.
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Thank you.
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For Max Vandenburg, those were the two most pitiful words he could possibly say, rivaled only by I'm sorry. There was a constant urge to speak both expressions, spurred on by the affliction of guilt.
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"It has to be." Max crawled in. Again, he said it. "Thank you."
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How many times in those first few hours of awakeness did he feel like walking out of that basement and leaving the house altogether? It must have been hundreds.
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No reply.
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To live.
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Each time, though, it was only a twinge.
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"But where?"
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The price was guilt and shame.
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Mama and Papa.
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Which made it even worse.
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It was they who took the food down and organized an empty paint can for Max's excrement. The contents would be disposed of by Hans as prudently as possible. Rosa also took him some buckets of hot water to wash himself. The Jew was filthy.
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For his first few days in the basement, Liesel had nothing to do with him. She denied his existence. His rustling hair, his cold, slippery fingers.
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They considered whether they could move him.
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There was such gravity between them, and a lot of failed decision-making.
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Living was living.
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He wanted to walk out -- Lord, how he wanted to (or at least he wanted to want to)-- but he knew he wouldn't. It was much the same as the way he left his family in Stuttgart, under a veil of fabricated loyalty.
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His tortured presence.
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In this situation, they were friendless and paralyzed. There was nowhere else for Max Vandenburg to go. It was them. Hans and Rosa Hubermann. Liesel had never seen them look at each other so much, or with such solemnity.
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She walked tentatively down the steps, knowing that no words were required. The scuffing of her feet was enough to rouse him.
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In the middle of the basement, she stood and waited, feeling more like she was standing in the center of a great dusky field. The sun was setting behind a crop of harvested drop sheets.
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Drizzle came down in spades.
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When Max came out, he was holding Mein Kampf. Upon his arrival, he'd offered it back to Hans Hubermann but was told he could keep it.
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Outside, a mountain of cold November air was waiting at the front door each time Liesel left the house.
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Naturally, Liesel, while holding the dinner, couldn't take her eyes off it. It was a book she had seen a few times at the BDM, but it hadn't been read or used directly in their activities. There were occasional references to its greatness, as well as promises that the opportunity to study it would come in later years, as they progressed into the more senior Hitler Youth division.
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Dead leaves were slumped on the road.
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Soon enough, it was the book thief's turn to visit the basement. They made her.
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No one's urine smells as good as your own.
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There was a queer strand in her voice, planed off and curly in her mouth.
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"I know!"
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"Is it a good book?"
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She practiced what she'd wanted to say in the washroom, in the small mirror. The smell of urine was still about her, as Max had just used the paint can before she'd come down. So ein G'schtank, she thought. What a stink.
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The days hobbled on.
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Only once was there an outburst in the kitchen.
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Each night, before the descent into sleep, she would hear Mama and Papa in the kitchen, discussing what had been done, what they were doing now, and what needed to happen next. All the while, an image of Max hovered next to her. It was always the injured, thankful expression on his face and the swamp-filled eyes.
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His voice was abrasive, but he brought it back to a muffled whisper in a hurry.
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Papa.
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Max, following her attention, also examined the book.
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The Jew moved only his head a little closer. "Bitte? Excuse me?" She handed him the pea soup and returned upstairs, red, rushed, and foolish.
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"Is?" she whispered.
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"I have to keep going, though, at least a few times a week. I can't be here all the time. We need the money, and if I quit playing there, they'll get suspicious. They might wonder why I've stopped. I told them you were sick last week, but now we have to do everything like we always have."
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Life had altered in the wildest possible way, but it was imperative that they act as if nothing at all had happened.
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Therein lay the problem.
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As days turned into weeks, there was now, if nothing else, a beleaguered acceptance of what had transpired -- all the result of war, a promise keeper, and one piano accordion. Also, in the space of just over half a year, the Hubermanns had lost a son and gained a replacement of epically dangerous proportions.
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Imagine smiling after a slap in the face. Then think of doing it twenty-four hours a day.
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What shocked Liesel most was the change in her mama. Whether it was the calculated way in which she divided the food, or the considerable muzzling of her notorious mouth, or even the gentler expression on her cardboard face, one thing was becoming clear.
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That was the business of hiding a Jew.
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Even when the arthritic Helena Schmidt canceled the washing and ironing service, a month after Max's debut on Himmel Street, she simply sat at the table and brought the bowl toward her. "Good soup tonight."
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AN ATTRIBUTE OF ROSA HUBERMANN
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She was a good woman for a crisis.
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Every morning when Liesel left for school, or on the days she ventured out to play soccer or complete what was left of the washing round, Rosa would speak quietly to the girl. "And remember, Liesel…" She would point to her mouth and that was all. When Liesel nodded, she would say, "Good girl, Saumensch. Now get going."
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True to Papa's words, and even Mama's now, she was a good girl. She kept her mouth shut everywhere she went. The secret was buried deep.
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The soup was terrible.
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She town-walked with Rudy as she always did, listening to his jabbering. Sometimes they compared notes from their Hitler Youth divisions, Rudy mentioning for the first time a sadistic young leader named Franz Deutscher. If Rudy wasn't talking about Deutscher's intense ways, he was playing his usual broken record, providing renditions and re-creations of the last goal he scored in the Himmel Street soccer stadium.
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"I know," Liesel would assure him. "I was there."
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"So what?"
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"So I saw it, Saukerl."
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"How do I know that? For all I know, you were probably on the ground somewhere, licking up the mud I left behind when I scored."
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Also, there was the mayor's wife, and reading in her husband's library. It was cold in there now, colder with every visit, but still Liesel could not stay away. She would choose a handful of books and read small segments of each, until one afternoon, she found one she could not put down. It was called The Whistler. She was originally drawn to it because of her sporadic sightings of the whistler of Himmel Street -- Pfiffikus. There was the memory of him bent over in his coat and his appearance at the bonfire on the Fuhrer's birthday.
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He seemed to resonate with a kind of confidence that life was still nothing but a joke -- an endless succession of soccer goals, trickery, and a constant repertoire of meaningless chatter.
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Perhaps it was Rudy who kept her sane, with the stupidity of his talk, his lemon-soaked hair, and his cockiness.
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She lay there, frightened, in a pool of blood, a strange tune singing in her ear. She recalled the knife, in and out, and a smile. As always, the whistler had smiled as he ran away, into a dark and murderous night…
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A SMALL EXCERPT FROM THE WHISTLER
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The first event in the book was a murder. A stabbing. A Vienna street. Not far from the Stephansdom -- the cathedral in the main square.
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Similarly, Max Vandenburg could not withstand the basement much longer. He didn't complain -- he had no right -- but he could slowly feel himself deteriorating in the cold. As it turned out, his rescue owed itself to some reading and writing, and a book called The Shoulder Shrug.
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Liesel was unsure whether it was the words or the open window that caused her to tremble. Every time she picked up or delivered from the mayor's house, she read three pages and shivered, but she could not last forever.
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"Liesel," said Hans one night. "Come on."
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Since Max's arrival, there had been a considerable hiatus in the reading practice of Liesel and her papa. He clearly felt that now was a good time to resume. "Na, komm," he told her. "I don't want you slacking off. Go and get one of your books. How about The Shoulder Shrug?"
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"But, Papa," she tried to tell him. "We can't --"
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It was early December and the day had been icy. The basement became unfriendlier with each concrete step.
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"It's too cold, Papa."
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The disturbing element in all of this was that when she came back, book in hand, Papa was motioning that she should follow him down to their old workroom. The basement.
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When they made their way down, Papa whispered to Max, "Can we borrow the lamplight, please?"
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"What? Is there a monster down there?"
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"Yes, but it was never this cold…"
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With trepidation, the sheets and cans moved and the light was passed out, exchanging hands. Looking at the flame, Hans shook his head and followed it with some words. "Es ist ja Wahnsinn, net? This is crazy, no?" Before the hand from within could reposition the sheets, he caught it. "Bring yourself, too. Please, Max."
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Slowly then, the drop sheets were dragged aside and the emaciated body and face of Max Vandenburg appeared. In the moist light, he stood with a magic discomfort. He shivered.
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"That never bothered you before."
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Hans touched his arm, to bring him closer.
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"No, no, he only comes up at night. In the day, we leave everything open. Nothing to hide. And we use this room rather than the kitchen. Best to keep away from the front door."
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Liesel ran up.
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She heard it again when she reached the hallway.
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When he was in the pint-sized bath, Liesel listened at the washroom door, imagining the tepid water turning to steam as it warmed his iceberg body. Mama and Papa were at the climax of debate in the combined bedroom and living room, their quiet voices trapped inside the corridor wall.
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"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. You cannot stay down here. You'll freeze to death." He turned. "Liesel, fill up the tub. Not too hot. Make it just like it is when it starts cooling down."
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"If we gamble on a Jew," said Papa soon after, "I would prefer to gamble on a live one," and from that moment, a new routine was born.
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"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph."
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"But what if someone sees in?"
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Then Mama. "All right… Yes, you're right."
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"He'll die down there, I promise you."
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Silence.
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In the morning, he would return to the basement.
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There was extra food and the apology to Max that this was not his religion, but a ritual nonetheless.
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It was decided that Trudy, despite her mild demeanor, could not be trusted.
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Max remained in the basement.
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With the curtains clamped tight, he would sleep on the floor with a cushion beneath his head, as the fire slipped away and turned to ash.
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Trudy came and went without any suspicion.
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Each night, the fire was lit in Mama and Papa's room, and Max would silently appear. He would sit in the corner, cramped and perplexed, most likely by the kindness of the people, the torment of survival, and overriding all of it, the brilliance of the warmth.
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Christmas came and went with the smell of extra danger. As expected, Hans Junior did not come home (both a blessing and an ominous disappointment), but Trudy arrived as usual, and fortunately, things went smoothly.
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"We trust only the people we have to," Papa stated, "and that is the three of us."
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The Jewish rat, back to his hole.
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A voiceless human.
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THE QUALITIES OF SMOOTHNESS
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What grounds did he have?
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He didn't complain.
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He explained that he was a Jew in upbringing, in blood, but also that Jewry was now more than ever a label -- a ruinous piece of the dumbest luck around.
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"I said," she whispered again, leaning closer, "his hair is like feathers…"
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They left it at that.
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It was then that he also took the opportunity to say he was sorry that the Hubermanns' son had not come home. In response, Papa told him that such things were out of their control. "After all," he said, "you should know it yourself -- a young man is still a boy, and a boy sometimes has the right to be stubborn."
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For the first few weeks in front of the fire, Max remained wordless. Now that he was having a proper bath once a week, Liesel noticed that his hair was no longer a nest of twigs, but rather a collection of feathers, flopping about on his head. Still shy of the stranger, she whispered it to her papa.
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"His hair is like feathers."
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Hans Hubermann looked across and nodded his agreement. I'm sure he was wishing to have eyes like the girl. They didn't realize that Max had heard everything.
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"What?" The fire had distorted the words.
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"Is it -- good?"
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He looked up from the pages, forming his fingers into a fist and then flattening them back out. Sweeping away the anger, he smiled at her. He lifted the feathery fringe and dumped it toward his eyes. "It's the best book ever." Looking at Papa, then back at the girl. "It saved my life."
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Sometimes there was humor in Max Vandenburg's voice, though its physicality was like friction -- like a stone being gently rubbed across a large rock. It was deep in places and scratched apart in others, sometimes breaking off altogether. It was deepest in regret, and broken off at the end of a joke or a statement of self-deprecation.
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Occasionally he brought the copy of Mein Kampf and read it next to the flames, seething at the content. The third time he brought it, Liesel finally found the courage to ask her question.
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The girl moved a little and crossed her legs. Quietly, she asked it. "How?"
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So began a kind of storytelling phase in the living room each night. It was spoken just loud enough to hear. The pieces of a Jewish fist-fighting puzzle were assembled before them all.
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How long did you stay in that room?
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His arm touched the fire and he snapped it back.
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Where was the snorer traveling to?
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When he said that, he used his forearm to shield his face. "Leaving people behind. Coming here. Putting all of you in danger…" He dropped everything out of him and started pleading with them. Sorrow and desolation were clouted across his face. "I'm sorry. Do you believe me? I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm --!"
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Why would you keep fighting him?
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A 10-3 losing record!
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QUESTIONS LIKE
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Do you know what happened to your family?
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"I'm so selfish."
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When Liesel looked back on the events of her life, those nights in the living room were some of the clearest memories she had. She could see the burning light on Max's eggshell face and even taste the human flavor of his words. The course of his survival was related, piece by piece, as if he were cutting each part out of him and presenting it on a plate.
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Where is Walter Kugler now?
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"Crucified Christ" was the most common reaction to Max Vandenburg's stories, usually followed by a question.
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They all watched him, silent, until Papa stood and walked closer. He sat next to him.
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"Did you burn your elbow?"
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One evening, Hans, Max, and Liesel were sitting in front of the fire. Mama was in the kitchen. Max was reading Mein Kampf again.
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"You know something?" Hans said. He leaned toward the fire. "Liesel's actually a good little reader herself." Max lowered the book. "And she has more in common with you than you might think." Papa checked that Rosa wasn't coming. "She likes a good fistfight, too."
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"Papa!"
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Liesel, at the high end of eleven, and still rake-skinny as she sat against the wall, was devastated. "I've never been in a fight!"
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"Shhh," Papa laughed. He waved at her to keep her voice down and tilted again, this time to the girl. "Well, what about the hiding you gave Ludwig Schmeikl, huh?"
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"I saw his papa at the Knoller."
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"I never --" She was caught. Further denial was useless. "How did you find out about that?"
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Liesel held her face in her hands. Once uncovered again, she asked the pivotal question. "Did you tell Mama?"
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The face in the corner watched the flames. "I did." There was a considerable pause. "Until I was nine. At that age, my mother sold the music studio and stopped teaching. She kept only the one instrument but gave up on me not long after I resisted the learning. I was foolish."
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That night was also the first time Papa played his accordion at home for months. It lasted half an hour or so until he asked a question of Max.
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"Are you kidding?" He winked at Max and whispered to the girl, "You're still alive, aren't you?"
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"Did you learn?"
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"No," Papa said. "You were a boy."
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During the nights, both Liesel Meminger and Max Vandenburg would go about their other similarity. In their separate rooms, they would dream their nightmares and wake up, one with a scream in drowning sheets, the other with a gasp for air next to a smoking fire.
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Sometimes, when Liesel was reading with Papa close to three o'clock, they would both hear the waking moment of Max. "He dreams like you," Papa would say, and on one occasion, stirred by the sound of Max's anxiety, Liesel decided to get out of bed. From listening to his history, she had a good idea of what he saw in those dreams, if not the exact part of the story that paid him a visit each night.
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The girl and the Jew, together: "Ja -- yes."
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The girl: "He died when I moved here, on the way."
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The Jew: "… I see myself turning around, and waving goodbye."
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The girl: "A train, and my dead brother."
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The girl: "Tell me. What do you see when you dream like that?"
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The girl: "I also have nightmares."
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She made her way quietly down the hallway and into the living and bedroom.
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The fire was nothing now but a funeral of smoke, dead and dying, simultaneously. On this particular morning, there were also voices.
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THE SWAPPING OF NIGHTMARES
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The Jew: "What do you see?"
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"Max?"
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To begin with, there was no sound of reply, but he soon sat up and searched the darkness.
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The whisper was soft, clouded in the throat of sleep.
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With Papa still in her bedroom, Liesel sat on the other side of the fireplace from Max. Behind them, Mama loudly slept. She gave the snorer on the train a good run for her money.
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It would be nice to say that after this small breakthrough, neither Liesel nor Max dreamed their bad visions again. It would be nice but untrue. The nightmares arrived like they always did, much like the best player in the opposition when you've heard rumors that he might be injured or sick -- but there he is, warming up with the rest of them, ready to take the field. Or like a timetabled train, arriving at a nightly platform, pulling the memories behind it on a rope. A lot of dragging. A lot of awkward bounces.
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The Jew: "Your brother?"
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"Well, thank God." He halfway grinned. "At least now I can get some proper sleep. That chair was killing me." He put his arm around the girl and they walked to the kitchen.
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As time progressed, a clear distinction developed between two very different worlds -- the world inside 33 Himmel Street, and the one that resided and turned outside it. The trick was to keep them apart.
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In the outside world, Liesel was learning to find some more of its uses. One afternoon, when she was walking home with an empty washing bag, she noticed a newspaper poking out of a garbage can. The weekly edition of the Molching Express. She lifted it out and took it home, presenting it to Max. "I thought," she told him, "you might like to do the crossword to pass the time."
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The only thing that changed was that Liesel told her papa that she should be old enough now to cope on her own with the dreams. For a moment, he looked a little hurt, but as always with Papa, he gave the right thing to say his best shot.
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Max appreciated the gesture, and to justify her bringing it home, he read the paper from cover to cover and showed her the puzzle a few hours later, completed but for one word.
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第三十一章: 交换噩梦 The Swapping of Nightmares | 偷书贼
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Liesel swallowed.
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At first, he merely stood there, but as she held on to him, gradually his hands rose up and gently pressed into her shoulder blades.
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"Alles Gute zum Geburtstag." He smiled weakly. "All the best for your birthday." His hands were in his pockets. "I didn't know, or else I could have given you something." A blatant lie -- he had nothing to give, except maybe Mein Kampf, and there was no way he'd give such propaganda to a young German girl. That would be like the lamb handing a knife to the butcher.
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"Damn that seventeen down," he said.
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She had embraced Mama and Papa.
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Only later would she find out about the helpless expression on Max Vandenburg's face. She would also discover that he resolved at that moment to give her something back. I often imagine him lying awake all that night, pondering what he could possibly offer.
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Max looked so alone.
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In February 1941, for her twelfth birthday, Liesel received another used book, and she was grateful. It was called The Mud Men and was about a very strange father and son. She hugged her mama and papa, while Max stood uncomfortably in the corner.
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And she walked over and hugged him for the first time. "Thanks, Max."
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As it turned out, the gift was delivered on paper, just over a week later.
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There was an uncomfortable silence.
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He would bring it to her in the early hours of morning, before retreating down the concrete steps to what he now liked to call home.
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